This week on the show we’re going to be talking about the wellbeing effects of socialising.
Now, I’m a solid introvert. Socialising isn’t something I find easy, or even comfortable at times.
likely to resonate most with my fellow introverts, I hope the more social butterflies amongst you will gain some valuable insights from it too.
Okay, I think that’s enough from me already. I can feel myself reaching for things to say now, much like introverts do in many social situations.
So without further ado, here’s my conversation with Mother Nature…
Chris: Hello Mother Nature, it’s great to have you back on the show.
Mother Nature: It’s lovely to be here Chris. I’m looking forward to hearing what questions you have for me this week.
Chris: Well I have to be honest, I’m a bit out of my comfort zone on this one, because we’re going to be talking about your fourth guideline for vibrant wellbeing – to “Socialise in the physical company of others”.
Over the past few weeks we’ve been speaking about the aspects of health that we’re all used to learning about, and ones, as a health and wellness coach I’ve personally done a lot of professional training and education in. Namely sleep, diet and exercise.
But we don’t really learn about how to socialise, do we. Instead we just pick up the general gist of it from others in our environment and then we’re just expected to get on with it.
Therefore, some of us thrive in social situations, and some of us don’t.
I think we have a lot to unpack with this topic. So maybe let’s start at the beginning. Why should we “socialise in the physical company of others”?
Mother Nature: Thank you Chris for being so open about your own struggles with social situations. It certainly doesn’t come easily to everyone.
There are many different types of people in the world and each of them takes to this guideline in a different way.
Having said that, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, it is still important to socialise in the physical company of others.
Whether in large groups or one to one, shared company has many mental and physical health benefits. Everything from emotional support, to the enjoyment of sharing food, to learning or developing a deeper world view, to the promotion of physical activity are all influenced by our social interactions.
Extroverts can enjoy these benefits in any group size. Introverts tend to prefer smaller groups or one to one. Either way, it’s being in the company of others that is important.
Chris: Wow, it impacts pretty much everything then.
Now before we go deeper, I’m curious. It seems there are more and more ways to socialise away from the physical company of others these days. What are your thoughts on that? Are we gaining these same benefits this way?
Mother Nature: There are many opportunities for people to socialise at a distance from others these days, with social media, texting and the like. They all have their uses for remaining connected, so many of the benefits I’ve mentioned can be reinforced in non-physical social settings.
But there is a certain energy lost in these interactions.
In the physical company of others, you really feel the other person’s intention and you pick up on their body language too. Only a small part of communication comes from the words we say. That’s why it’s better to get together.
Chris: Ah, yes. I’ve heard it said that 60% of communication is in body language. 20% comes from tone of voice. And a mere 10% is found in the actual words we say.
That’s why we quickly pick up on it when someone is paying us lip service or is being inauthentic. They’re saying what they think you want to hear, but their tone and body language seem to contradict their words.
Mother Nature: Very much so Chris. This is one of the reasons why physical company is so important. Your ancient ancestors knew this very well, which is why you still see indigenous cultures today speaking their minds so authentically.
Chris: That’s interesting. Thank you.
You’re not saying that socialising away from the company of others is a problem in any way. It’s just that the deeper connection you gain from seeing them in person has a set of unique benefits you can’t get online.
Mother Nature: Exactly.
Chris: Now I feel like the mental health benefits from socialising should be obvious. I certainly feel better when I’ve spent time with like-minded people. But I can’t quite put my finger on why this happens. Could you help explain this please?
Mother Nature: Certainly Chris.
First we have comfort and safety.
Spending time with friends helps us feel comfortable and safe. When you’re in sync with your friends, their body language, tone of voice and the words they say never conflict with one another. And what they are communicating is usually something that you’re interested in too.
Therefore, time spent in their physical company feels comfortable and safe.
Chris: Like a verbal hug.
Mother Nature: Very much so. And you might even choose to have a physical hug too. Another reason it’s better to be there in person rather than online.
And this brings us to the wellbeing benefit of building deep social bonds.
The social bonds you create by being in the physical company of others allows you to feel loved and supported.
Humans are unique in the animal kingdom for their ability to share resources and lovingly support each other. The deeper your social bonds, the more likely you were to receive the support of that community. So this social behaviour is deeply ingrained in your DNA.
If you couple the comfort and safety of friendship, with the security of having deep bonds, your mind can begin to relax. Allowing you to meet guideline one more easily.
Chris: Guideline one being to live slowly and sleep deeply.
Mother Nature: Exactly.
Chris: So actually, many of the benefits you get from socialising promote a sense of safety. This is why anxiety often drops when you’re with good friends. And when anxiety drops your brain slows down, allowing you to connect with living more slowly.
And as we learnt in Episode Three of this podcast, if you can live more slowly, you should be able to sleep more deeply.
Mother Nature: Well said Chris.
Chris: It’s incredible how connected your design for nature is. I’m really starting to see that these five guidelines of yours aren’t five separate rules. But five elements of an integrated whole that binds our well-being deeply together.
Mother Nature: I’m glad you’re beginning to see that Chris.
Chris: Thanks!
I can really see the health benefits of socialising in the physical company of others now. So that leads me on to deeper, more personal questions I have.
We’re all so different. Some of us love nothing more than to be in the centre of a big group. Whilst others, like myself, can feel more alone in a crowd than anywhere else.
How do we reconcile these differences? Should introverts just force themselves to be social butterflies and extroverts spend more time in quiet contemplation?
Mother Nature: Well how does it make you feel when forcing yourself to be a social butterfly?
Chris: Utterly exhausted if I’m honest.
Mother Nature: And how might the extroverts feel when they are removed from social gatherings?
Chris: Exhausted too, from what I hear.
Mother Nature: Exactly. Introverts recharge in quiet contemplation, either by themselves, or when in the company of one or two close friends.
Extroverts re-energise themselves in the company of others. The more the merrier.
So to answer your question on reconciling these differences, the answer is: You don’t.
What do you think would happen if you all met somewhere in the middle ground?
Chris: Everyone would be drab, boring and exhausted I imagine.
Mother Nature: Exactly. So don’t reconcile these differences. Just allow them to be.
You all need social interaction. Not even the deepest introvert thrives on their own. You all need other people to some extent. So the key is to be yourself.
Try to think of social situations on a spectrum.
At one end you have two people sitting quietly together, not saying a word but feeling completely at ease. At the other end is a wild party or a large event, with you right at the centre of it.
Ask yourself. Where do I fit on that spectrum?
Chris: Interesting. I guess life has you sliding up and down that spectrum like fingers on a guitar’s fretboard. There have been times in my life when I’ve loved being part of a large group. And others where I need to be alone.
Yet there is one area on this spectrum that I will always return to. Neither at one extreme or the other.
I guess life would be pretty dull if I remained only in my comfortable place on this spectrum.
Mother Nature: Yes. That’s exactly right. Moving yourself up and down the spectrum gives your life its experiences. But it’s also important to know where to come back to in order to feel comfortable, safe and secure.
Chris: And therefore resetting your mental peace and restoring your energy.
Mother Nature: Very good Chris.
Chris: Great advice, Mother Nature.
As an introvert, over much of my life I’ve been told to be more outgoing by others.
Is that right? Should introverts be spending more time up at that end of the spectrum where they feel the least comfortable but fit into social situations more easily?
Mother Nature: This is a very modern issue. Thank you for bringing it up Chris.
Modern western culture values the power of ‘loud’. So it can be hard for the quiet among you to thrive. Yet there is great power to be found in both quietness and loudness.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again for you here. I designed your body, your mind and your personality traits.
I am Mother Nature. I do not make mistakes. You, and everyone else, are perfect just the way I made you.
Through younger life, when you are mimicking and being influenced by others around you, it’s easy to lose sight of your true nature. People can forget who they are inside and the value they bring to any social encounter.
But each of you brings a unique and powerful point of view to any social interaction, be that in a business arena, or a leisure one.
There is always balance in nature.
The extroverts bring everyone together and artfully keep the conversation flowing. Whilst the introverts are there quietly paying attention to nuance, speaking mostly when there is something unique or poignant to say.
This is how a tribe bonds and grows stronger. You all have equal value. A tribe full of talkers just wouldn’t work now, would it.
Chris: *deep sigh*. Thank you Mother Nature. I think I needed to hear that. I hope those words of wisdom really help connect each listener to the value in their unique nature.
Mother Nature: Likewise.
Chris: Okay. I think this is a good point at which to summarise what we’ve learnt from you today. Is there anything else you feel you want to say before I do so?
Mother Nature: No, I think this is a perfect time. We can always get deeper into this in future conversations.
Chris: Great idea. Thank you.
Okay, here goes…
When Mother Nature guides us to socialise in the physical company of others, she encourages us to recognise that there is a greater health benefit to be found in a conversation that is face to face.
Whilst taking the opportunity to keep our connections through non-physical means, like online, is important too, our body language and tone of voice can become overlooked and unappreciated aspects of connection. It’s for this reason that phone calls, text messages and even video chats can often leave us feeling like we were missing something from the interaction. So try, whenever possible, to get in the same room as the other person.
Socialising in the physical company of others brings many health benefits too.
Everything from our sense of comfort and safety, right through to the encouragement to engage in physical activities are all connected by social interaction.
Doing so reinforces our friendships and deepens our sense of belonging.
We also spoke about how different types of people, from introverts to extroverts, all bring something unique to every social interaction.
If you can trust that whatever your nature is, it is perfect, you can bring it wholeheartedly to every social activity. Be the life of the party if that’s you. Be the quiet listener, or anything in between, if that’s you.
A party always needs a full spectrum of people to bring it to life. And it’s hard to be alone in a crowd, when you know your value in it.
Mother Nature: Beautifully said Chris.
Chris: Thank You Mother Nature.
Next time we speak we’re getting into your final guideline for vibrant well-being – Being kind to yourself.
I get the funny feeling that the conversation we’ve had today was somewhat of a warm up for that one.
Mother Nature: Yes, I think you might be right, Chris.
I very much look forward to talking to you about kindness. Along with the Governing Rule of Playful Curiosity, kindness has the deepest reach through all the five guidelines for wellness.
Chris: Wow, I’m super excited to hear what you have to say. But for now, thank you for today’s insights and I look forward to speaking with you soon.
Mother Nature: Likewise Chris. Bye for now.
I hope you enjoyed the conversation today.
As an introvert, finding my place in social situations has felt like a constant effort. But as I age and let go of some of the conditioning of early life, I begin to realise that it’s all about being yourself.
The only issue being that many of us don’t know ourselves all that well.
In the free wellness course I’ve created, you can choose to learn about Purpose, which teaches you all about finding your core values. Core values are the foundation of knowing yourself. And I’ve found that understanding my own has helped in many a social situation.
Please feel free to follow the link in the description and sign up if it resonates with you to do so.
If this is the first episode that you’ve come across of ours, then I highly recommend you head back to season one, episode one and listen along from the beginning. We’re five lessons in now and each has built upon the last to get us here.
Each episode is about 15 minutes long, so you should be able to catch up pretty quickly.
Thanks for listening and remember, deep health emerges quite naturally if you allow Mother Nature to guide you.
